Try, try and try again. And again. And again. And again.
Who knew getting pregnant wasn’t easy? It felt like growing up us girls are told how easy it is to fall pregnant. But no one really goes in to detail about the fact that there’s only a few days of the month that you can.
I was diagnosed with PCOS around 11 years ago (like a beard on a teenager wasn’t enough of a giveaway). The doctor broke it to me by saying “what I would say is that your left ovary is actually more cyst than ovary”. Hearing that was heartbreaking, but at the time I was single and babies weren’t in my plan.
Fast forward a few years and by then I’d met my husband. I was very open from the outset that having children may be more difficult for me due to the PCOS (along with having a bearded lady for a wife) and he was totally understanding. If it happened, it happened.
When we actively started trying in 2015, after two months I went to my GP. I knew that the NHS would only look in to problems after a year of trying, but I wanted to find out if there was anything they could look at to see if my condition had got any worse. The GP was extremely supportive, he arranged ultrasounds and blood tests to check my hormone levels and to make sure that I was actually ovulating. We were lucky in that despite having every single PCOS symptom going – weight gain, excessive hair, cystic acne etc – I still had clockwork periods. Turns out I didn’t need the investigations, as while sitting in that room at the doctors I was currently pregnant.
We couldn’t believe our luck. Three months of trying and I was pregnant. It’s like the PCOS didn’t exist. It was textbook! The pregnancy went well, we had a few blips at the 20 week scan but everything was fine after our 36 week growth scan.
Michael and I on the day we announced our pregnancy to friends and family
Our son is about to turn three, and now that life has calmed down a little, we decided at the end of last year to start trying again. We are now on our third cycle of TTC.
Every month when my period arrives gets a little bit harder. Every time I’m asked when we will be trying for another one, or I gain weight and get the ‘nudge nudge wink wink’ from friends gets harder. Mini is fascinated by babies, and has told nursery that Mummy has a baby in her tummy. I don’t. I explained that I don’t with a smile on my face but it’s rough.
Since having Mini, my PCOS has worsened. I had emergency surgery in August 2017 due to an infected ruptured cyst and have had at least one more rupture since then. I can’t help but think that this time is going to be a little bit harder for a success story. But we will persist. And if it doesn’t happen, we still have one little boy that we thought we’d need to work a little bit harder to get.
So next time you meet a woman who has one child, or a woman in a long term relationship/marriage with no children. Stop and think before you ask when more/if children are coming along, because it’s impossible to know that if there is a tiny bit of heartbreak behind every answer of “no” or “soon!”
The Mummy Hustle